Medically Reviewed by Dr. Elisabeth Vincent Hamelin
The desire to have sex is different for different people. Some feel no desire for sex and do not want sex. Others feel sex desire but do not want sex. Some then call themselves asexual.
It may feel like everyone around you assumes that everyone wants sex. But it doesn’t have to be. You always decide for yourself whether you want or not want sex.
What is asexuality?
Asexuality means that one does not feel attracted to others or does not feel interested in having sex. Asexuality does not have to mean that you do not have sex, you can have sex for other reasons than you feel sex desire. But asexuality can vary from person to person.
Being asexual can mean that:
- You don’t feel any sexual desire at all.
- You feel attracted to others but choose not to have sex.
- You can have sex with yourself by masturbating but you do not want to have sex with others. Masturbation does not always have to be sexually charged.
- You don’t want to masturbate or have sex.
- You like to hug and kiss.
Reduced sexual desire need not be asexual
Having reduced or no sexual desire due to illnesses or certain medications is not what is usually called asexuality. Talk to a doctor if you are concerned that any medication or illness could be the reason why you have reduced or no sexual desire. Then you can get more help if you wish.
You can be asexual no matter what sexual orientation you have
You can be asexual and at the same time define yourself as bisexual, heterosexual, pansexual or gay. Then you may fall in love and want a relationship, but you do not want to have sex with the one you are in love with.
Some who call themselves asexuals instead believe that asexuality is their sexual orientation, instead of bisexuality, heterosexuality, pansexuality or homosexuality. If you want to call yourself something and if so for what, you decide for yourself.
When and where should I seek help
Contact a curator or psychologist, preferably someone who is sexually knowledgeable, if you need to talk to someone. You can contact a health center, sex and cohabitation clinic or a curator or psychologist.
If you are under 23, you can contact a youth reception.
There are also several online forums for asexuality where you can talk and exchange thoughts with other asexuals.
Wanting to have children when you are asexual
Being asexual in itself is not an obstacle to having children. You can become a parent without having sex with another person. For example, through insemination or adoption.